I get so busy. Or at least, I feel busy. But then I look back over my day and think, ‘what did I do?’ It is very easy to feel like my life is mundane. Sure, on an up day I am able to intentionally “Do ordinary things with extraordinary love” as Mother Theresa said. But there are many times when I wish that I could be…cooler. Being a missionary in Africa. Having a career. Doing something that really changes the world.
But what if little things that I do every day actually are important? What if thinking intentionally about the way we live our life right in a Cleveland suburb can have an effect on the way that our neighbors (both literal and figurative) think about themselves, their neighbors, their children, the planet…etc. etc.
What if, by being who God made me to be, I can bring out the best in other people? What if I can help them be more who God made them to be?
What if they can help me too? I could be much better at observing and learning from the people around me. I am surrounded by people who are living out the truth in amazing ways. Maybe it really is important to discover the truth other people hold so that we can bring out the best in each other.
A lovely bedtime moment
I was trying to get E. to sleep tonight (the rest of family was waiting to watch a movie). We went through her usual ritual; night diaper, pajamas, brush teeth, read Goodnight Moon, have some Mommy Milk, prayer, go to sleep. We did all that, and when it was done we laid for a few great minutes while she put her arms tight around my neck and breathed on my face. Thinking she was asleep, I began to sneak away. As soon as I moved, though, she was quick to notice, even in her dreamy state. She said (without opening her eyes), “Mommy stay here…”
Yes, my girl. I will stay.
Please always ask me to stay.
I love you.
Being a Fairy Princess can make everything more manageable
E. is having a difficult week. If I didn’t know better, and if she wasn’t 2, I would think she was about to start her period. She cries over big things. She cries over things that seem small to me, but must be huge to her. She gets inconsolably angry if I give her juice but don’t give it to her in a big-girl glass.
She is so bright and fun almost all of the time, and I love interacting with her because she is such a people person. This is a tough bit, but it will pass and she won’t always get so frustrated about her glass of juice. My role right now is to try to help her to move through it with as much grace as possible.
This afternoon when I got her home, we began the trial and error. Eventually sitting at the table she wanted, in the chair she wanted, with the right juice (diluted with the right amount of water), in the right glass, E. was still very distressed. So I said to her, “Would this moment be better if you could dress up like a fairy princess?” She thought about it for a minute, and said very quietly, “Yes, Mommy. I wear that.” And you know what? It was better. We sat for a while and chatted while she drank orange juice and enjoyed feeling different. Sometimes (though certainly not always), I think that the key to moving forward through overwhelming bad feelings in a given situation can be simply having the imagination to think about yourself behaving differently.
A Food Quandary
Right now I am trying to figure out what I think about factory farming as it relates to my own and my family’s eating.
I have a problem with eating pigs that didn’t get to have tails. Or chickens that were never allowed to spread their wings. Or cows that ate, um, other cows (yuck!). I have not bought food with any of these things in quite some time and I have come to a point where I have a hard time eating said food in restaurants or at friends’ houses.
But I have another conflicting problem…people are very, very important to me and I don’t want to make it hard for people to relate to me. If I sit down at someone’s table and they put pepperoni pizza in front of me, what do I do? Is it more important to share in the meal and so advance our relationship by being ‘a part of’, or is it more important to stick to my value of eating in a thoughtful way?
People I really love don’t share my value regarding ethical treatment of animals. Is it important to share a meal with them, thereby affirming our friendship? Yes. Is it important to me to be able to eat food that I can identify all (or at least most) of the ingredients of and that was produced in a way that isn’t wasteful or cruel? Yes.
It is difficult to sort out what to do in this instance, but I often come up against the problem of how to think about it when my own actions don’t match up to what other people are used to. It’s not that I expect everyone else to conform to my way of doing things…most people are not going to use cloth diapers, make their own toothpaste, or grind their own flour. I’m fine with that. But when people hear that I do these things, sometimes they take it as a silent rebuke or they assume that I am out to spread the gospel of baking soda as a cleaning agent. Paul told the Romans that they should always be ready to give an answer about themselves to anyone who asked. I guess I’ll start there.
Living outside the dominant paradigm
As I try to think about what to do in a current confusing situation it occurs to me that anytime you are trying to do something besides what is in the dominant paradigm people might:
1. Think you are crazy.
2. Secretly think you are right, but loudly say you are crazy because they feel guilty but don’t want to change.
3. Admit you are right but be unwilling to change and eventually stop being friends with you because it’s uncomfortable.
4. Change.
People who come up against a truth, internalize it and act on it (the ones who choose option 4) are few and far between, and to be earnestly and persistently sought out as friends. I wish that I could be that person all the time. I would say that I am a fairly changeable person…’impressionable’ is the word my husband J. would use to describe me. I say things out loud just to hear what they sound like, and then I am willing to change my position if given good helpful feedback. Example:
“Blueberries are the BEST fruit. They have lots of antioxidants and are completely delicious.”
“But Kate, strawberries are delicious too, and bigger so you don’t have to eat as many to get a serving!”
“Okay…strawberries are the BEST fruit!” or on my better days “Maybe strawberries and blueberries are both good for different reasons!”
Having this personality trait is a good thing and a bad thing. I am able to incorporate information fairly quickly into my brain and my lifestyle. However, because of the way I state things, I come off as much more opinionated than I actually am. I have been working (with the help of the most patient J. and other helpful, lovely friends) to be more clear about what I mean. So, if I need to process something to figure out what I think about it, I try to say that’s what I am doing. I find that helps me not to put people off as quickly as I consistently used to.
Spirit and Fire and Dew 